The impact of Imposter Syndrome

I held a discovery call with a client earlier this week, who was looking to come back to coaching as she had secured a promotion at a level she hasn’t worked before. She had acknowledged she could already feel imposter syndrome setting in, and knew she needed to prioritise and invest in herself. As we sat discussing imposter syndrome and how it sneaks up on you, I was taken back to my first leadership role and how imposter syndrome affected me.

My move into leadership wasn’t smooth (a story for another time). I had been chasing my move for nearly a year when I successfully got a leadership role, and it was at this point I realised I didn’t know what to expect. I had become efficient in my role and was able to demonstrate transferable skills as part of the interview process. I knew I was a hard worker and was excelling in what I was doing which allowed me to sell myself, but it hadn’t dawned on me that being a leader would require a different set of skills from being a doer. I also hadn’t realised that by becoming a leader I became more visible and that visibility opened me up to the judgement of others. This was my first taste of the harsh reality and pressure of being so visible, and I wasn’t comfortable being so scrutinised. I was struggling and at points felt attacked when other leaders and stakeholders questioned a decision I had made or a change that I wanted to implement. Now, let me be clear, none of these leaders or stakeholders were being inappropriate, this is 100% my perception of the conversation. That is what this is all about: perception. Mine, yours, and so on. This is where I started to get derailed, I was feeling that I had to be perfect as these were the only parts of me that anyone wanted to see. My imposter syndrome was in full swing…

I was over preparing for meetings, over cautious in decisions I was making – in fact I was almost too scared to make a decision at all, for fear it was wrong. I had convinced myself that no decision was better than a wrong one. I had changed the way I dressed to present myself in a more professional manner, to appear more of a leader - or at least to meet my perception (there it is again) of how I though leaders should present themselves.

As part of my leadership training, in addition to being on the job, I had been enrolled onto a leadership program where we were learning about imposter syndrome, insights and psychological safety. All great, and I have found them all super helpful in the long run. However, imposter syndrome already had me, and I was sinking. I had previously experienced coaching as part of my development with the goal of becoming a leader. I found myself in the situation where I had fulfilled my goal, and our coaching sessions has come to an end, but as with any coaching relationship, it doesn’t end when a course of coaching does. I knew I wasn’t right, that something was off, and I needed support in the form of a coach; I needed a sounding board, someone to hold the space and silence so I could work through it, and some guidance in the form of poignant questions. I

cannot overstate this: I put my coach through it. In fact, in one session I spent probably 70% of the time crying. She didn’t pull away, she didn’t waver, I knew I was safe to end the session whenever I needed to, but I also knew she would allow me to work through my imposter syndrome. At the time I didn’t know it was imposter syndrome, but she did. She didn’t name it, but allowed and guided me to come to it for myself.

If you feel like you are experiencing imposter syndrome, or are worried about a transition where it may creep up, please get in touch to book a no-commitment discovery call. I have been where you are, I came out the other side, and I believe I can support you through it. Drop me an email on leadwithleia@outlook.com

Picture of me below after the graduation of the leadership program. I had decided to focus my final presentation, to my peers and our exec team, on imposter syndrome. I was shaking and clearly still feeling imposter syndrome as I was dressed how I thought leaders dressed, which is very different to my natural style. This picture brings up so many feelings. I am so proud of what I have achieved, but I do not look authentic to myself. Do you think anyone else noticed?